Three going on Seventeen

Before I start this story I just want to say to anyone who reads it:

Don't Judge. You weren't there. You don't know my child like I do.

Now why on earth would I have to give a statement like that?!? Well I'll tell you why. Yesterday Corey and I marched our teenage three-year old to the garbage can where we had him directly deposit his Spiderman Halloween Costume.

What did he do to deserve such a punishment you might be wondering? Well... have you ever seen one of those Nanny 911 type shows and you sit and watch the insane behavior of those children and think "What the heck did those parents do to create such monsters?" Yesterday I was asking myself that very question... only not what did THEY do, but what did I do to create such a child?!?

It all started with a fight over nap time. This week he has been trying to ditch out on naps. Not a good plan. He still NEEDS one. His behavior when he doesn't get a nap very clearly indicates this fact believe me. I was going to hash out all the details of exactly what happened, but let's just say there was much yelling (things that you would expect a teenager to yell at their parents NOT a three year old), and throwing of objects, and kicking and hitting, and all out reckless behavior that finally resulted in both the boy and the mother in tears.

Actually it was a good thing that I cried yesterday. It was the only thing that snapped him out of it. NOTHING else was working. Not patient, calm, controlled and loving guidance (which I always try first of course). Not getting upset and yelling myself or physically forcing him to do things. Not begging and pleading and explaining. Not trying positive reinforcement and praise for good behavior. NOTHING. The only relief I got from him was on the second day of this in a row (yesterday) was when I started crying. He got really upset and came over to me and said in a shocked and teary voice "Are you crying mom? It's okay mom, don't cry." It was a good thing he did that. I was starting to wonder if I would go back to happy mom-dom again.

When this first happened Corey and I had a serious talk with Jack about what IS and what is NOT appropriate behavior when it comes to how we treat each other in our family. We talked about what kind of feeling we want in our home, and how we want to be happy with each other. We talked about consequences of our actions and told Jack that this was serious enough disobedience and bad behavior that one more experience like this was going to result in a loss of the costume... and as you heard above it actually got to that point, and we followed through.

We didn't follow through though until Corey and I had a very lengthy discussion in our room while Jack sat outside awaiting our decision. We talked about how we never thought being a parent would be this gut-wrenching. We want Jack (and Alaster too of course) to be HAPPY. Over the top-my life is so good-Delirious HAPPY. It pained me like only a mother could be pained to have to take away something like that from him. Something he has wanted for so long and was enjoying so thoroughly. I LOVED how much fun he was having.

On the flip side though we knew that Jack (again you don't know my child so don't judge... I will tell you that more than one person has talked to me about how unusually strong willed and determined he is even for a three year old) needed some kind of REALLY harsh punishment. We had exhausted all other ways of persuading him into good behavior first and we felt he really left us with no choice. We knew that in order to be responsible parents we had to teach him. For his own happiness' sake we don't want him to grow up thinking these kind of actions are okay. Mom and Dad could possibly tolerate it, but I'm pretty sure friends, and teachers and maybe even the law (who knows...if he got enough out of control) etc. would not.

I'm not sure who cried more as we stood over the trash can. I think it was me. It ended up being such a great teaching moment though. We thought for sure it would result in more crying, screaming etc. at first... but it didn't. We talked to him again about why we were doing this and our desire to have our home be a happy place again for all involved. I told him how sad I was that it had to come to this, because I really loved his costume and we wanted him to be happy. We cried and hugged him, and the rest of the night was really good. MUCH improved behavior. He was really good at church today too... so we are really hoping the message sunk in, and that he didn't lose his costume in vain.

It made me think so much about Heavenly Father and how he must really be sad when we screw up because I KNOW that he must feel like I did. If I, an imperfect parent, want good things and happiness for my child, and desire to bless him with everything that will make him happy, then surely a PERFECT Heavenly Father would feel all that and more. I thought about how sad it must make him when we sin and have to be denyed blessings. I thought of the lengths that he goes to to teach us. I am grateful that he does so much for us. I am so grateful that he provided a Savior that we could repent. Repentence is my new favorite thing to think about. I used to think of it as such a hard and sad process, but now I realize it is one of the most HOPEFUL principles of the gospel. I'm not sure how I missed that.

Anyway when you see pictures of Jack on Halloween wearing something other than a Spiderman costume now you know why.