Thank you F Enzio!

Things have been changing in the management company that I work for lately.

More structure, more checks and balances, more professionalism. Growth, expansion, moving and changing with modern ideas and times.... you know the story. It's all very good for the company.

But with all this positive change has come more responsibilities, more pressure, more stress. The quest for excellence is in full swing and some are not hacking it. They have let go of 3 managers in the last month and a half. For a company with only 12 managers that's quite a bit. And not only have they let them go they have made it quite clear that those left who are not willing or able to step in line with the new ways around here are headed for the same sticky end.

Today I dropped my kids off at a trusted friend's house for 4 whole hours so I could plug away making sure all my i's were dotted and all my t's crossed if you will. Then when the kids came home I had spent about two seconds with them when the phone started ringing, and I was taken away from them yet again. I continued to work while Alaster slept this afternoon but I was able to take a few minutes with Jack for his reading lesson and to get a batch of bread going. Jack helped and I was grateful for a few minutes of one on one time with him. I still had some pressing work that needed completion so I had to stick Jack in front of a movie so I could finish... this is something I loathe doing, but I knew it was necessary today so I did it. I have learned that sometimes putting my work first, especially with the new atmosphere, is putting my kids first.

Why am I telling this story? Because today I had a breakthrough.

Normally with days like this I have this pretty pathetic "Oh woes ME!" Attitude. I have all kinds of nasty thoughts about how this job that was supposed to allow me to stay home with my kids is actually ruining them and frankly just ruining my life. I mope around and become pretty selfish and pathetic indeed. I sometimes even let it get so bad that later in the evening when I do have time with the kids it's ruined.

It's so sad that I ever get that way because most days are just simply not like that. Most days the impact on our family life is minimal and allows me to contribute to the family financially in a phase of our life that we really need it. Without this job I would be working outside the home which is something I have zero, zilch, nada desire to do. I have been blessed with middle ground, and yet some days even though I know all of that, I cannot for the life of me make me feel that. Do you know what I mean? It's an attitude I have been trying really hard to overcome because I don't want to have an ungrateful spirit, but I just couldn't quite figure it out.

Well I today I think I took a step in the right direction. I had a wonderful day despite my job. In fact I found satisfation in doing my job well, and I had a really good, guilt free evening with my boys when the office hours were over. There was happiness in my heart and I felt guided and comforted by the Spirit. So much I could say about it all but I really just wanted to share with you all the source of my change:

His name is F Enzio Busche. Nice name huh? I quite like him. Autumn introduced me to him and gave me one of his books "Yearning for the Living God." She had me watch THIS CLIP on You Tube as an introduction. And if you watch it and like it THIS TALK is where that clip was taken from.

Last night I read for two hours from his book and learned so so much. I think what impressed me the most was his relationship to Heavenly Father and how he was able to tackle seemingly insurmountable obstacles as he learned to rely on the Lord and follow the Spirit. So much, maybe everything, comes back to that all important relationship we have with our Heavenly Father and His Son. I often find when I am struggling it is because I have an incorrect idea or impression of the characteristics of God.

What I read last night was an answer to prayer. So many things about his example just rang true and helped me figure out why I was having such a hard time kicking my bad attitude days. It all started to click a little bit for me and I hope that I don't soon forget the things I learned but that I can cultivate them until they are just a part of me like they were for F Enzio. I think today was a good start.

Anyway I hope you'll take the time to watch the clip. It sure inspired me and I hope it could do the same for you.

Much love to you all.