I bristled past her small, hostile, elderly frame as I angrily whisked up my obstinate toddler.
On my way I hollered right at her "Have a nice day!!!" as loudly and sarcastically as the moment called for. I really wanted to tack a nasty name or two on at the end but I was enough relieved having said what I did in order to gain control and move on. All other shoppers cleared the path for us as my entire persona pulsed out the message: "Don't mess with me... I'm a mommy on the edge!"
I wish I could say I am sorry for what I said, and that I feel bad for rattling the old woman, but I don't.
I honestly don't.
Do you think less of me?
You should.
I do.
I still don't feel guilty, but I certainly feel guilty for not feeling guilty.
Know what I mean?
I suppose this moment was bound to happen. There is a different attitude in this city towards children than what I am accustomed to (a small, generous few excepted)... and I am really not a fan. As I told my tale to Corey this evening I ended with "You know it was like the other shoppers used to be on my side when this kind of thing happened. We all rooted for each other. They were in the same boat as me, or they themselves remember what it was like. I used to get comments like 'don't worry about it honey... we've all been there,' or people who would kindly avert their eyes to save me a shred of dignity... but here they just glare with a 'why can't you control your horrible children,' look on their faces."
It's miserable.
Up to this point I have been a very good girl. I just do what I need to do and not pay an ounce of attention to them... but today the stars were against me. I suppose the real story starts as of last night when our neighbors... who despise us... reduced me to tears and calling the management office/non-emergency police to mediate. They don't like our kids. How could you not like my kids?!? I'll spare you the particulars except to say that they acted completely immaturely, and that both the management company and the police were on my side in a big way. I hope this cools them off for a while... nevertheless I woke up still upset about it.
Then there was the fact that I was supposed to be spending all of today and tomorrow with Corey all no-work-footloose-and-fancy-free style. Oh how I have been looking forward to it! Today didn't happen because Corey's sickness took a turn for the worse and he was on total bed rest closed up in our room (not blaming you darling... just missed you!), and tomorrow won't happen because it turns out I do need to go to the office.
All things considered I think the woman got off pretty easy.
Don't worry... when I pray tonight I'll remember the truth that Heavenly Father loves her too... and the right kind of guilt will come.
Right now though... I'm going to go eat a cookie.
5 comments:
Loved this post...your writing, not what you have been through. :) I can totally here your emotions. It sounds like quite a few days.
So do you like living out of Utah? ;) Really though. Ryan is trying to convince me and I think I am partially cracked but stories like this make it sound less than appealing.
eat one for me too CAUSE IF I WAS THERE I WOULD GIVE HER A PIECE OF MY MIND TOO!!!! You are an awesome mom and you are right other parts of the country do not feel that families are important that it does take a village to raise a child and THEY DO LOOK down on women in public with children at least you have ONLY the requisite number of 2. I HAD 3 and that was WOW whispered behind my back A LOT. Especially in New York and Delaware. Hang in the babe. You are doing the right things and those boys have the mom they will adore when they are grown men and raising sons of their own and remember their mom and how much she loves them. love aunt deedee
Oh honey, I hear you. I think when we go to Wal-Mart the whole entire store knows we're there and goes, "Not the Morgans again!" But you're right....I do get more offers of help and polite snickers from those who have been there done that than nasty looks.
Maybe we'll come visit you sometime and really give Illinois something to growl about. I promise we're a thousand times worse than you could ever be. At least we're a sight to see!
For now, have a hug from me!
I'm not going to lie to you, I'm happy you have these moments too, because if you didn't you'd just be translated, and I'd be out one of my oldest and bestest friends. I'm glad it's not just me.
I'm sorry you had a rough day at the store though, and I hope your neighbors start to act their age.
Merry Christmas! xo
BLESS YOUR HEART.
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